A sinner with a blog

Walking through the streets of Rome in 2008 and listening to our tour guide speak in his beautiful English, embellished with Roma accent one early fall twilight, I was just another happy tourist. We got to a stone structure (sorry my memory is a bit fuzzy and I can't remember the name of it) where we all stopped and he said, " This is the place where Saint Peter was imprisoned." and I think we continued to walk after that.

But something rekindled inside me and there was something about what he said cranked the rusty wheels in my mind. Something inside me leaped in recognition. But the distraction of everyday life made it stop again and gather dust.

On the other hand,it has been three years since I haven't had a car antenna but thanks to a friend's help ( I know it's so simple and easy but never got around to it) he finally installed one and for the first time in three years - I can now catch up with top 40 music and the news.

But I don't know how it happened but It Happened. There was this show called Catholic Answers live on the radio and my curiousity was picqued.

And over the next and many traffic-filled afternoons on highway 50 and listening to hosts Patrick and his wonderful guests in my car, I slowly found my way back to my Catholic faith. Until then, I've never even heard of the word "Catholic Apologetics", had vaguely heard of Saint Augustine and Saint Thomas Aquinas,apostolic succession etc etc.

Now I know what it was that sparked in me when I saw the place where Saint Peter was imprisoned. Sure, I've been to Saint Peter's Square and Basilica but the antecedent was that stone structure I saw and the words I heard.

" This was where Saint Peter was imprisoned."

Then it all fell into place. I thought to myself, "Saint Peter?. THE Saint Peter who walked with Jesus two thousand years ago? Who was an unsuspecting fisherman when he was called by Jesus to be fishers of men?"

Call it stupidity, spiritual-coma or blindness but it didn't hit me until now that he actually used to walk the earth and so did Jesus. I know, I'm telling you, I was in a coma.

And then, thankful for a heavily-scripture based Baptist education I remember the words. " You are Peter, upon this rock I will build My Church." And it was as if someone opened the window to let some fresh air in my stagnant mind.

I was just in Saint Peters Basillica and Saint Peter's tomb is underneath that Basillica. Saint Peter was the first Pope and Jesus gave him the keys to heaven. And that if you trace the Popes from Pope Benedict XVI back tohis predecessors, it traces all the way to Peter.

He walked with Jesus. He learned form Jesus. He interacted with Jesus first hand. He witnessed His death and ressurection.

He walked with Mother Mary.

I don't know what cave I was hiding in all these years.

I wish I can say that I'm holy. That I don't fall into sin. I'm not holy and I miserably fall into sin. Yet inside I feel the restless soul longing for God's grace and love.

I was baptized into the Catholic faith when I was 7 weeks old. I know this because I saw my baptismal certificate. I still remember my First Holy Communion. I went to 16 years of Catholic school and 2 years in a, what I think is a Baptist school. Then a few more years in a secular college/university. But I've been blind.

I hope to be free from the blindness and from mind stagnation. I have this cross to bear in this journey.

I never really knew my faith, isn't that sad? Despite the 16 years of Catholic education. I still have alot to learn from it and I thirst to learn more about it.In this journey, I have this cross to bear, so help me Jesus.